I work with people, I am often categorised as their healer. Although most of my clients know I don’t take responsibility for their healing process but help them heal them selves. Due to this process of helping people heal, I have come to understand how much trauma can be caused from our childhood. And how the simplest of parenting mistakes can cause life long issues.
This week I was commenting on a parenting group as I do and I commented on a mum asking advice on which way she should discipline her 3 year old daughter as she was playing up and shouting and causing disruptions.
Loads of mums were randomly dishing out ways to discipline this 3-year-old, many of them violent and from my point of view very suspect as good parenting. I commented: “I don’t believe disciplining is parenting. Parenting would be to sit down with your daughter get to understand what she is going through from her point of view and then talking to her about it and explaining that you love her but this kind of behaviour is not acceptable and then to re-educate her on how to actually behave by being gentle and understanding.”
The mum answered me directly and said “Thank you, I had not thought of talking to her about it.” When I read that; I sat still, stunned for at least a minute. She had never thought of speaking to her child???
I think we have hit the nail on the head. So many parents are so caught up in their own trauma of being a parent that they actually never speak with their children. Never look at the situation from the point of view of the child. It’s always about discipline and never about connection.
The child is either on board with the parent or wrong. The good child, bad child trap.
I constantly have to help clients realise that they where programmed to be un-heard and unseen as children. Its not their fault, but it is their responsibility to heal in themselves.